Filed In: The Planning Process
Jason and I have officially reached the point where eloping sounds like a great idea.
Just imagine it. We would be able to have a private ceremony… no fussiness about picking bridesmaids, and matching dresses, and who stands where, and so on…. just Jason and I.
We would be able to have it as lengthy or short as we want, I could still wear a pretty white dress, and we would have complete control. It would be intimate, and special, and something that only he and I share.
Plus, it would take away a lot of the expenses. Let’s face it, that is one of the biggest appeals to eloping. Even if we had a big party to celebrate when we get back… no sit down dinner means less mulah.
So Jason and I actually really considered this idea. But don’t worry, we decided against it. Why?
I could feel the heartbreak coming from my family and friends.
I know, I know. A wedding is not supposed to be about everyone else. But it actually is…
Part of a traditional ceremony includes your close family and friends. Why? Because all of the people that you surround yourself with are the people that lead you to this very moment in your life. Marriage is not only about the union of two people but the union of two families. If we didn’t have our families and friends up there with us, it wouldn’t feel like a real union. When I marry Jason, I don’t just accept Jason in my life. I am accepting all of his friends and all of his family to become a part of my life, too.
Plus, this day means a lot to not only Jason and I, but to our parents. They are overseeing their children walk through a huge milestone. When I discussed eloping with my father, he said, “So your Poppy and I won’t get to walk you down the aisle?” In that moment, I knew that I had to include them in my ceremony. I would be truly letting down my family if Jason and I were to run away.
I didn’t actually want to elope, I just had to pinpoint why I was feeling so anxious about having the ceremony so publicized.
After chatting with many of my friends about this, I came to my first conclusion that I am just fearful of hurting anyone’s feelings. I am stressing out about the bridal party. I have had many friends in my life, and they all mean something so special to me. I value each and every one of my friendships. Whether they are the type of friend that I only talk to every once in awhile, or the ones I talk to every day… I don’t want to leave anyone out.
I also hate the thought of lining my friends up, and making them buy expensive dresses, and the whole nine yards…. I know this is a normal thing, but I feel so strange about it. I just wish it were simpler.
We are still struggling to figure out the solution to this issue. We have been through many ideas and alternatives. Nothing seems quite right yet. I am a planner, I like to know every detail of every day, so this is very frustrating. I would love a simple answer, but I know it won’t be simple.
But what does feel great is knowing that we don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to play by the rules if we don’t want to. Sure, we want to include our family and friends but Jason and I can do so however we please.
One thing I do know for sure, we are not eloping.
As you all probably know, I proudly identify myself as a feminist. A feminist is simply someone who believes that men and women should have equal opportunities and rights. (No fluff or politics added.)
The idea of taking a man’s last name when you get married has lived as a tradition within the patriarchy for quite some time. When you dig into the history of why women take a man’s last name.. it is anything but feminist. Historically, a woman would take a man’s last name because women were thought of as a man’s property. (Which I am definitely not a fan of…) When looking at the subject from the perspective of the church, a woman would take a man’s last name because when you marry, you become one. (And I am not in the business of loosing my individuality.)
Marriage certainly does not represent the ideas of property and loss of self today, but we still have the tradition lingering around. So the question is…what does it represent today?
Many feminists would probably question why I would want to take the Blount name and give up Faulconer for good… but to be blount… becoming a Blount is so meaningful to me. 😉
I don’t want to change my last name because I have conservative, traditional, or religious reasoning. Jason has told me on numerous occasions that he doesn’t care what I choose to do, so his feelings don’t weigh in…. but I will most definitely be becoming a Blount.
I am choosing to become a Blount because:
1. We are not becoming one, but we are becoming a team.
“We are a team,” is something that I say to Jason often. He and I are both pretty stubborn people, and don’t like to ask for help. However, life isn’t always easy, and sometimes you just need to ask. It is reassuring to remember that both of us are both working towards a common goal, and we are there to lift each other up. When we get married, we don’t plan on us mushing into one. We fell in love with the separate people that we are, and that will not change. I will stay Megan, and Jason will stay Jason. But, we are both on the same team, and now we are making it official.
2. I do not feel dominated by my man.
I do not ever ever feel as though Jason tries to show dominance over me. Jason is my perfectly balanced counterpart and treats me as an equal person. If I did feel threatened, or feel like I was being diminished, I might put up a fight to keep my identity as a Faulconer. However, I don’t have any kind of insecurity about my relationship with Jason. I certainly don’t feel like I am going to be any less equal if I change my last name to Blount. We are a team, we balance each other, and…
3. We are becoming a family.
The most important part of my marriage to Jason is that he is becoming my family. We will be The Blounts, and our children will take our name. I don’t look at it as taking his last name, I look at it as Blount becoming our family name. Honestly, if I had some sort of attachment to my last name, I might consider asking Jason to take my last name, but I like the sound of Blount better! (And that’s perfectly fine!)
Ultimately, changing your name is an extremely personal decision. I don’t think it should be determined by societal pressures from either side of the fence. I don’t need to keep my maiden name to keep my individuality, and I don’t need my last name to feel equal to Jason. I also don’t need to change my last name because of tradition, or because it is what I am “supposed” to do.
I am changing my last name to Blount because it makes sense for both Jason and I. Jason is my home, and my family, and we are both so happy to commit our lives to each other.
Let’s Be Blount.